i was attacked.
i was attacked by one of these,

and not just one, a nest of one of these.

alright maybe not, maybe it was more of something like,

not as scary i suppose. but i did get attacked by a nest of these. everywhere. all over me. i didnt like it.

i hope everyones summer is good so far. if not, that sucks. and im sorry. im coming home soon so if you wanna hang out with me,
let me know. maybe we could work something out.

By raising your legs slowly and lying on
your back, you can't sink in quicksand.

world of words.

          im back. this is long with a little oddity but brace and get on it and over it. there will be betters laters.

           For each driven lie, for each fed lie. I am sorry. I am sorry for those who had to listen in sheer disappointment. For so long I lived a slave to my own manipulations, lies, anxiety and doubt, and to break loose meant for me to come clean. and that, that was just something I was too terrified to do. For so long I wanted to tell everyone. I wanted to stop lying, but I thought doing so, meant giving up built trust that wouldn’t build back. Crumbled and fallen. Torn and unrepairable. Lost forever. Living in a block of anxiety and tantrums the walls reverberate back to me. Stable. Never falling. Never failing. And im scared to break free. For fear of falling. Of failing. Im tired of running. My legs are tired. My heart is swollen. My head is aching. Now, with everyone aware of hidden secrecies what I thought would be of result, isn’t so. People live day to day with me. Without me. Never allowing me in. always there. I live day to day without people. Never allowing them in. in my block, I sing to myself. In my block, I comfort myself. In my block, things aren’t allowed but I am. I always am. No disappointments, no lies. In this box of mine, in this home of mine, I weep. I weep myself to sleep. I understand myself. I understand. I am patient. I know. Hand me the lantern, hand me my choice. Let me walk.

            Depending on people is a curse. A curse upon living. Depended for happiness, for care, for love but nothing but tears and reprocutions are cemented into the walls of my domain. This isn’t a poem of ending or a poem of ridicule, its just words. A world of words, that mean nothing. A world of words, of sex, and tears, and joy, and kisses. To reject something; also to reject nothing. I have my excuses. You have yours. This was placed upon me. Living isn’t complicated. Happiness isn’t complicated. We make it so. We make things too hard for our own good when, its intended to come with no rejections.

            Im not done doing this. Im not analyzing you or myself or the why’s of today, and im not done making the mistakes I want to make. Im not done with my faith and im not done wanting more. People, have become naïve. People have become too involved in everyone but themselves. Judging and observing other’s shit. Stop. I don’t want to be looked at anymore. Theres nothing to look at anymore. Nothing to talk about.

            We all live. We all live. We all live. Just like you, I too, deceive. I too live in regret at times. But from me to you, my mouth is shut. From me to you, I choose to sit. And look into my mirror. Not yours. I belong in my reflection. And you belong in yours. So when you go home tonight, rather than choosing to look at me, close your eyes, and look at yourself. And I will do the same.

do people still even do xanga? curiosity peaks its way into mythinks.
isnt it oldschool now? i mean we have facebook. we have myspace.

lets take a vote. which causes most desperation. most anticipation. most desire?

xanga.
myspace.
highschool facebook.

the votes are in: highschool facebook is my guess.
as for me, myspace is my addiction.

haiku:
myspace is the best of course
sign in too much, yeah
myspace & facebook are dumb.

this is going to be light.
[shift/enter]
finals are done. exit. imout. half was the shit. otherwise, or [otherhalf] were great. 2 weeks of becoming dormant. sleeping away. eating away. working at nothing. finding new things. wreckless. i dont really know why im doing this, im becoming dilirious i think. yep.

the law of self deprication:
         to recieve things that werent originally yours. to pry out of people things that werent thought to be said but nonetheless true. to ease yourself of mindconstruity. next time im just going to reassure you of the very things you are thinking to be true just so we can all realize were all fucking neat.

likewise.
how is everyones break? tell me. with words. something good.

oh and i witnessed a robbery at QT tonight. 2 little boys were forced out of their dads truck, ran inside QT yelling for their dad mindlessly screaming "a man, theres a man, a man took out truck D [dad]!" one boy crying the other just extremely confused. the family looks outside and their truck is gone. driven off by some fucker. sorry for the language im just so upset about it. so shitty. its all i can think about.

okaybyenow.

the stinge of adolescence. the burn of naivety. as it swells in my throat. i breathe in with little to no hesitation giving it my complete attention. giving it complete authority. its like putting your life in the hands of someone not ready to lead. but youre not ready either. the vertical slope of utter desperation. of consent. the reluctant hold. the sheer multitude of truth, of destiny, of inevitability, the way of expectancy.

i breathe it in. suck in. hold. hold.

hold.

as long as i can, of fear of letting it leave.me. alone. the smell. of descriptives in the air. never molds. the light that literally seems to peer out of an abyss of permanent darkness, stands. only stands as long as i hold.

hold.

breathe in. hold. breathe out.

its like one simple breath of adolescence, naivety, hesitation, attention, desperation, consent, reluctance, truth, destiny, inevitability, expectancy, its all the same. just as its all the same, it all has an end. all we have is this. right here right now.

breath in. hold. hold.

hold.